I was writing a paper for a class and I had to describe myself. I hate doing that so, I texted three of my mentors and asked them to describe me in three words or less. One quickly responded with the word naive. Umm no, I think you sent me the wrong message. She replied, “Do you still think Joy to the world can only be sung during Christmas?” I thought carefully, but my answer was “yes” still. A strong, YES! She replied, “ Keep living babygirl!” At that time I could have been 15 or 17. Maybe even a freshman in college. Life was a naive dream and the Christmas tune, Joy to the World, was only to be sung in December. Now at age 28, Joy to the World is an everyday affirmation that we all need!
Can I be honest with y’all? I am sinful. I mean tore up from the floor up with the world. Like on some days, Eve and I could be twin sisters! Straight up like that! Oh, it’s just me?!
Oh okay ‘den, cool!
I get wholeheartedly what Paul was saying in Romans 7 when he stated, I want to do what is right and good, but I just can not do it for the life of me. I don’t do the good I want, but the wrong stuff I don’t want to do is what I keep on doing. That’s when it gets real!
I’m going to get honest with y’all again. When life gets real and temptation’s voice ring loud in my ear, I start to talk to myself and say things like, JERJUANNACECILLE how did you just pick that/them over Jesus?! You know you just sinned, right? Why you didn’t listen to the voice that told you to pray like last time? Why didn’t you trust God like all the other times?
As you can see, it goes down in my mind after I fall into sin! Honestly, it goes down in my mind all the time! In fact, it is a struggle to even get sleep or rest at night as my mind is rapidly trying to justify the action/ thought. They either are reminding me of Jesus or condemning my soul to hell.
Sis, I know I need therapy! In most African American cultures we can not express what goes on it our brains. Some black folk just don’t believe in letting nobody all up in they business like that.
For many, they live with sins and sorrows growing daily. They allow thorns to tear the petals of beauty that God created - all because they don’t want anyone to know. Christ knows, he died for “our business” and He comes to make His blessings flow far as the curse is found. The curse that you have to hide when you are depressed, that sometimes when life gets to be too much you get shortness of breath and panic. The curse you hide thinking about suicide ,and the fact that when people try to love you, you fake it ‘til you make it because you just honestly don’t know how. The curse that when you want to do right you will never be about to because failure will always be there to comfort you. The curse that you can not seek help from someone God has given knowledge to.
I have anxiety/panic attacks that can get so bad I black out... even while driving my car. Sis, I honestly thought I could handle on it being a strong black woman and all, but blacking out isn’t fun. Nevertheless, I’ve still managed to make it home without a scratch on many occasions except this one time , I blacked out and endangered my mother and two nephews. The situation wasn’t major, but it scared me and I knew in that moment the Lord was forcing my hands. It’s okay to talk, to sit on a couch or in a chair and allow someone to help you see Jesus more clearly! The curse of this world wants to push us from Christ. Joy to the world that Jesus comes to makes his blessings flow as FAR as the curse is found.
My therapist told me (with a host of other things) that when I feel anxious or panicked to sing a song and breathe. So I sing, and every day it sounds like “Joy to the World the Lord has come... and I exhale!”
For to us a child is born to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Pray with me.